The Life of hikari
by Tenshi212
Summary: Something happened to Hikari that renders her mute. Sai tries to help Hikari with her problems while teaching her everything he knows about go. And Waya tries to steal Hikari's heart, but will he be able to?
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! I'm Tenshi212, and this is going to be my first time publishing a story on , and I hope you all like it. ^^ So this story is going to be a mute female Hikaru story. I know that some like to have polls for potential pairings, however; I will not be doing that. Any choices made will be my own. I am using Hikari for the name because it is the feminine version of Hikaru.

Like I said, this will be a fem-Hikaru story; it's also going to be an alternate universe. It WILL differ from the original.

"Normal talking"

'Thoughts/Sai's voice'

Writing

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HIKARU NO GO! The only thing I won is the plot and characters that I make up.

…Hikari's point of view…

'I never realized how little I care for my life at this point in time. My life was never hard, and I managed to get by without trying. I was never alone, although I was always lonely.' This is what my thoughts turn to as I struggle to stay awake during my Social Studies teachers' lecture. 'The only thing that was worth anything to me, before the incident, was my friendship with Akari.' My name is Hikari, I have short black hair, which is dyed blonde in the front, black eyes, and I am wearing a white, long sleeved turtle neck sweater over the boy's uniform of my primary school. The bell rang just then, and gathering my books, I walked quickly out of the classroom hiding my eyes with my golden bangs I glanced at my old best friend 'But now that friendship is nonexistent. I've held back nearly all of my emotions for so long, I've forgotten just when I started.' Tears begin to brim in my eyes, and I let them fall. 'Now my emotions are slipping through the grasp I once had.'

Lighting flashed and with it came the rain. I ran to her grandfather's house, which was just ahead, and remembered that Ojii-chan wouldn't be home so early in the day. I ran straight to the store room since Ojii-chan never locks it.

…Akari's point of view…

I watch as my best friend walks out of the class room. Hikari had been constantly pushing Akari farther and farther away. And even though the two hardly talked during the day anymore, they would still walk home together every day after school. In a sour mood, I finally left the school building; I noticed that Hikari was taking a different route home than normal. Worrying for my friend, I trailed Hikari, from a good distance. When the rain hit, I ran to keep up with Hikari who had begun running. Hikari ran into a yard with a large house and a separate building, I followed Hikari as she entered the building separate from the house.

…Hikari's point of view…

I glanced around the room piled high with boxes, and noticed one had been recently added. Curiosity getting the better of me, I opened the box to see a stained goban. Thinking that such a pretty board shouldn't be in that state, I searched in my bag for a white handkerchief. When I found the cloth, I began to scrub the stains furiously, hoping to be able to save at least part of the beauty this board once held.

'Can you see it?' asked an excited, but unfamiliar voice.

'Who's there?' I thought glancing around, 'There shouldn't be anyone else in here.'

'Can you hear my voice?' the same voice asked slightly more excited. I began looking franticly around her, afraid of what might happen. 'You can hear my voice, can't you?' the voice asked again, somehow even more excited. I backed away from the goban in pure terror now; falling on my butt in my desperation. 'You can! You can! All powerful God, I thank you.' the voice shouted with glee. Suddenly a feminine looking man, with sharp purple eyes, long purpled tinted, black hair tied back with a red ribbon, and was dressed in the clothes that were popular in the Heian period, appeared on top of the goban. 'I will now return... Return to the living world.' He said ending solemnly. After this spectacle, everything faded to black.

…Akari's point of view…

As I opened the door, I saw Hikari digging inside of one of the many boxes stacked along the walls. Hikari hauled a heavy wooden table out of the box, and began to wipe the dust off of in. The longer she cleaned, the more jittery she became, she twitched every now and then, her eyes growing wider by the minute. Minutes later, Hikari backed away from the table she was once polishing, and collapsed on her rear. Seconds after, Hikari's head hit the ground. I scrambled to Hikari's side.

"Hikari!? Hikari!" I screamed as she fumbled for my cell phone, "Hikari, Wake up!"

Finally finding my phone, I quickly dialed 119 for an ambulance "Moshi-moshi. How may I help you?" female voice asked from the phone.

"My friend has collapsed, I think we are in her Ojii-san's storage building, the address is Tokyo-to chō 3-banchi-no 5."

"Help is on the way." Said the lady on the other side of the phone, "What conditions was your friend under when they collapsed?"

"She was polishing a table like object that she pulled from one of the boxes, and then started freaking out, she never said anything, but she was… glancing around franticly and wide eyed." I said trying to remain calm.

"Was there anyone else in the room, someone that neither of you knew?"

"No ma'am, we were the only two in the room."

"Is there any change in your friend's condition?"

"No ma'am. She is still unconscious. I can hear the ambulance now."

"Okay then I will let you go to explain to them what happened. Sayonara."

"Sayonara" I ended the call and went to wave the paramedics into the storage building.

…Hikari's point of view…

My eyes opened, and instead of being in her ojii-chan's storage building, she found herself in the middle of a field full of sakura trees. 'What, where am I?' thought groggily.

'We are inside of your mind.' said an unknown, masculine voice.

Hikari jumped at the sudden sound. 'W-who a-are y-you?' she asked, eyes wide. In front of her, under a nearby sakura tree stood the man who had come out of the goban. 'Wait can you hear my thoughts?'

'I am Fujiwara-no Sai,' he said, "and yes, I can hear your thoughts, we are inside of your mind.

'Sai… It's nice to meet you, I am Shindou Hikari… You said that we are in my mind.' he nodded, 'How are you inside of my mind?'

'I'm not sure of that myself.' he said.

'Has this happened before?' I asked.

'Only once,' he said wistfully, 'It is a long story.'

'Would you mind telling me?'

He sat down then, 'As I said, it is a long story.' Hikari was about to protest when he spoke again, 'However; I will tell you.' He gestured for me to take a seat across from him.

With a deep breath, he began his story. 'I taught Go for the Emperor in the Heian capital. I played go every-day, and was so happy.' He said with a small smile on his face, which turned into a grimace as he continued, 'There was another who also served as the Emperor's Go teacher. And one day he commented to the Emperor, "Only one instructor is needed. Why don't we play and the winner can remain?"

'So you played him, who won?' I asked.

'The game was even. With everyone watching, it was a coincidence that only I saw it, a white stone had been somehow mixed into his basket. It's rare, but sometimes one of your stones gets mixed with your opponent's.' he paused, his facial features contorting with the emotions he felt, 'Of course, that has nothing to do with the match so usually it just ends with the person saying, "Here's one of your stones." and handing it over. But he…' his voice shaky now, 'Waited for the right moment and… added it to his captured stones.'

'So he cheated, what happened next?' my interest growing.

'When I raised my voice… he started shouting, "Hey, you just added a black stone that was in your basket into your captured ones!" I tried to protest, but he cut me off. "I saw you! While everyone was focused on the board, you tried to cheat!" the Emperor intervened by saying, "I don't even want to thing that something like that would happen in my presence. CONTINUE!"' Sai paused, trying to recompose himself.

I was about to say that Sai didn't need to continue, when he continued, 'With my mind still unraveled…I lost. Branded as a cheater, I was driven from the capital. I no longer wished to live… I drowned myself two days later.' Hikari gasped, and began to reach out to lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but he waved her hand away. 'My soul was unable to rise to heaven.' his smile was slowly returning, 'I wanted to play more Go.' I felt the need to say something, anything, but I couldn't.

The goban from before appeared in between Hikari and Sai, 'My spirit attached itself to this goban. Time passed until I heard the voice of a young boy. "Nobody else can see the stains. Why am I the only one who can see these stains which look like tears?" I was so happy. "Young child," I said, "if you are able to see my tears of sorrow…then let me occupy a part of your mind." The child was interested in Go, and took me in willingly, and I was able to play as much Go as I wished. He would have become a great Go player; however, he died of disease at the age of 34. His name was Honinbo Shusaku. He was a good person…' he trailed off, the goban disappearing as the story ended.

'I don't know who that is, but it must have been his blood that I saw.'

'Yes.'

'So the reason you're here now is because you want to play more Go?'

'Yes. For I have…Yet to achieve the Hand of God.' he said seriously.

'What is the Hand of God?' my curiosity getting the best of me.

'The Hand of God,' Sai said, once again seriously, 'means the perfect game of Go.'

'How hard would this move be to achieve?'

'No one has ever had a perfect game of Go. So probably very difficult.'

'This sounds interesting so I will allow you to play go every now and then, even teach me if you want.' Sai's eyes got really huge and tears of joy began to pour from his eyes. He would have hugged me had I not immediately recoiled at the gesture. 'I have one condition, please _never_ touch me. A ghost inside of my mind or not, I don't want _anyone_ to touch me.

Sai's eyes scrunched up in confusion, 'Hikari, may I ask why? Forgive me if I am overstepping my boundaries, but we will be sharing the same mind, and I feel if we get this out of the way now, I can potentially help you-'

'_I don't feel like I can talk about it right now_. Please don't ask again, I will tell you eventually.' I said harshly. I knew I was probably being too harsh, but since the incident I had stopped caring about the feelings of others. I noticed my hands were clenched tightly in my lap, and began to unclench them. I wished to be anywhere but here. Slowly the field of sakura disappeared, and became darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

I would like to start off by thanking LLAMAs r the BEST for reviewing; I will work on my way of writing, and will appreciate any pointers that anyone has to offer.

"Normal talking"

'Thoughts/Sai's voice'

Writing

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HIKARU NO GO! The only thing I won is the plot and characters that I make up.

…Hikari's point of view…

The first thing I was aware of was that I was lying on a bed. Every few seconds, a beep would sound from a machine to my right. I was in a hospital room. To my left, a small window let a small trickle of light into the small white room, and a curtain was drawn on my right. I pressed the call button on the side of my hospital bed, and waited for a nurse to enter the room.

I didn't have to wait long as a nurse walked in. she was dressed in purple scrubs with matching purple shoes. "What can I help you with?" she asked. I made a writing motion with my hands. The nurse then reached into a dresser, which was hidden behind the curtain before the nurse came in, she pulled out a small legal pad and a pen. The nurse then placed the pen and pad in my waiting hands.

Where am I? I wrote quickly.

The nurse read what I wrote, and said, "You are in Sentojosefu byōin in Tokyo."

Why am I here?

"You collapsed in your ojii-san's storage building, and your friend, Akari, called an ambulance as soon as she found you."

Where is she?

"She is in the waiting area, I can get her if you'd like."

Not right now. I brought my left hand up to my neck as I have ever since the incident. It's a nervous tick now I suppose.

"How did it happen?" the nurse asked, "The scar I mean."

I would rather not talk about it at this time. I paused letting her read it. Could you possibly get my turtleneck for me?

"Of course. Then do you want me to send in Akari and your mother?"

I hesitated for a moment before I wrote, Yes. The nurse turned and left the room

…Akari's point of view…

I was currently waiting in the Sentojosefu byōin's waiting room with Hikari's mother. Mrs. Shindou was currently tapping her foot anxiously. A nurse had gone to check on Hikari, and they were waiting to see if they could go in to see her.

"Mrs. Shindou, I'm sure that Hikari's alright." I said resting my hand on her shoulder, "In fact, I think she may have woken up by now."

Mrs. Shindou smiled a little, "Maybe you're right- Ah, here comes the nurse now." Said nurse walked past the waiting room, and into a room adjacent to the nurse's station which separated two hallways.

"Isn't that the room that they take the patients clothes?" I asked.

"I believe it is." Mrs. Shindou said, "Did Hikari ask for some of her clothes before seeing us?" The nurse then walked briskly out of the room in the same direction that she had come from before.

"Probably, she has become quite conservative recently…" I trailed off. "Do you know the reason for that?"

"Akari…" a grimace took the place of the small smile from earlier, "It's best if Hikari tells you when she feels like it."

"Alright, but I don't think she will be able to keep it hidden much longer, the teacher is getting curious, and will probably ask that she stop wearing the boys' uniform unless she tells her the reason behind her wearing it."

"Really, I would have thought that the school would have recognized the signs…" Disappointment laced her voice, "Well, maybe it will be better off if she has to talk about it." Just then, the nurse from before walked toward them.

"Hikari is ready to see you now." she said, gesturing for us to follow her.

"How is she?" asked Mrs. Shindou.

"She is fine, just a little dizzy." the nurse said stopping in front of room 102, "Only one person can go in at a time, so who will go in first?"

I was about to say that Mrs. Shindou should go in first, seeing as Hikari is her daughter, but Mrs. Shindou said. "Akari, would you mind going first?"

"Um... Sure." I said a little taken aback, "I will go first." I entered the small hospital room.

…Mrs. Shindou's point of view…

I waited until Akari had entered my daughter's hospital room before turning to the nurse, "How is she really?"

"Like I said Mrs. Shindou, Hikari seems fine, she's just dazed." The nurse said, and then as an afterthought, "She did seem a little depressed."

A sad smile made its way to my lips, "She has been like that for a while now."

"Pardon me if I am asking too much, but what happened to that girl?"

"As much as I would like to tell you, I am not able to."

"But you do know?" she asked a frown on her face.

"Yes, we have been trying to come back from what happened, but every time we get close to the point of talking about what happened, she suddenly goes right back to the starting point."

"Does anyone know that she is mute?"

"I don't think so, but I'm not sure. She has started to be very secretive lately." a look of alarm showed on her face.

"That could be a sign that she has given up on life, it would be wise to get her to see a counselor as soon as possible." she said seriously.

"I've been trying to talk her into it, but she always assures me that she doesn't need to see one."

"I can get the her doctor to make it a requirement if you want, that way she has to do it, and has no one but the doctor to blame."

"Please do, I have no clue how to help her anymore."

…Hikari's point of view…

I had just finished donning my turtle neck when I heard the door open. "Hikari, why is the curtain still drawn?" I tugged the curtain back a little from where I was. Akari poked her head passed the curtain, and I smiled, happy to see my best friend. "Why are you wearing that turtleneck?"

Hey Akari, how are you? I wrote ignoring her second question.

"I'm fine, but why aren't you talking?" It felt as if my blood froze, I had forgotten that I hadn't told her that I was mute.

Deciding that it was best to tell her quickly, I quickly wrote: Akari, I'm mute. I paused allowing her to get over the initial shock. I have been for the last few months. Please don't ask how it happened.

"Hikari…" tears were welling in her eyes, "Is this why you've been pushing me away lately?"

Akari, I didn't want to let anyone at school know. Least of all you: you are my best friend, and I love you, but I couldn't stand telling you yet. I paused letting her catch up, I was planning to tell you at the end of the school year, when you would have time to adjust during the break, and not put anything on your mind besides the end of year exams.

"You still should have told me." Akari grabbed my right hand in both of hers seemingly not noticing my flinch, "You put even more pressure on me when I thought that I was losing my best friend, honestly, you're so selfish sometimes… Though I guess you kind of deserved to be with this."

I pulled my hand from hers and wrote: I-I'm sorry; I should have known that pushing you away would result in you having more pressure on you.

"It's fine." she paused, "You still haven't answered one of my questions."

Which one?

"Why are you wearing that turtleneck?" I froze, 'Should I show her?' "You don't have to tell me if you would rather not." she said looking crestfallen.

I-I will show you. She perked up. But what you see does not leave this room. She nodded. I pulled down the collar of the turtleneck just enough to show the scar.

"Hikari…" Akari looked like she was about to cry. I had just enough time to replace the collar before I found myself in a bear hug from Akari. Tears were pouring from her, and slowly, I found my own tears welling inside of my eyes. After months of holding back my emotions as best as I could, I finally broke down. I buried my head into Akari's shoulder and let loose everything I had been holding back.

…Author notes…

I know this is shorter than the last chapter, but I thought that this was an appropriate place to end. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Hi guys, sorry it took so long compared with the others, but I just haven't been in the mood to write as much. I am going to keep writing this story, but I need to hear from you guys to see how you like the story so far. So let me know what I can do to make It more interesting… I'm not sure how I'm going to start the next one off. I want to hear from y'all.

"Normal talking"

'Thoughts/Sai's voice'

Writing

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HIKARU NO GO! The only thing I own is the plot and the few characters that I may make up.

…Hikari's point of view…

"Hikari… Hikari... It's time to wake up." I scrunched my eyes closed trying to tell who ever it was to leave me alone, but to no avail, "Hikari wake up." Begrudgingly I opened my eyes to my surprise, it was my mother. I sat straight up, unaware of when I went to sleep. I searched for the legal pad and pen that the nurse had given me earlier. "Hikari, are you looking for this?" she asked. I looked to my mother and low and behold, the legal pad and pen were there.

I took the writing utensils and quickly wrote: When did I fall asleep?

"Last night, you and Akari cried yourselves to sleep; I had to wake her so she could get home without her parents worrying about her."

Why did you wake me up? I made a confused look appear on my face. She laughed.

"I woke you up, because it's nearly time for school." she paused, "I would have let you stay home, but the teachers were really adamant about you not missing school."

I'm sorry that I didn't stay up to see you.

"Hikari, there is no need to apologize, I knew that something along those lines would happen when I sent her in, that's why I sent her in first. How much did you tell her?"

I told her about me being mute, and I showed her the scar. It was after the I showed her the scar that she started crying.

"And then you followed soon after her I'm guessing"

Possibly. It takes a lot for me to admit that I had a moment of weakness, even if it's to my mother.

"Stubborn as always." she said a smile on her face, "What happened at Otou-san's?"

I don't know. I didn't want to tell her about the thousand year old dead guy who was now haunting me, I was just looking at this beautiful goban, and then I woke up in here. She looked at me concerned.

"Well you had better get dressed; I brought a fresh set of your school uniform for you to change into, so hurry up and get dressed so I can get you to school on time."

…Akari's point of view…

It's almost time for class to start, and Hikari isn't here yet. With the current circumstances, I wouldn't be worried about it had Mrs. Shindou not said that Hikari would be in class tomorrow. The seconds ticked by until the teacher started to call roll. When she got to Hikari's name, she repeated it twice. I was about to tell the class that Hikari was taken to the hospital yesterday, but then Hikari and her mother raced into the class room.

"Here she is." said Mrs. Shindou breathlessly.

"Ah Mrs. Shindou, thank you for bringing Hikari." the teacher said writing something on her clipboard, "Hikari, please take your seat, I need to talk to your mother for a few minutes." The teacher then proceeded to usher Mrs. Shindou outside of the room. I motioned for Hikari to sit in the empty seat beside me.

"Hey, I'm sorry about last night." I whispered when she sat down. Hikari pulled out the pad and pen from last night, and began to write.

Don't apologize; I needed it to be honest, but don't you dare tell anyone about it. She fixed me with a pointed look.

I raised my hands in surrender before whispering; "Fine I won't tell anybody about you crying like a baby." Hikari's face turned a red color.

That never happened. Then as if it were an after though, she wrote: You have no proof.

"Oh contraire, I think my uniform from yesterday still has a few tear stains on it."

That doesn't prove anything other than you were crying. I couldn't help but laugh at how red her face turned. I was about to reply when the teacher walked back in slipping Hikari a note before she began class.

…Sai's point of view…

'So this is how schooling is done in your era?' I asked listening to the lecture.

'Yes Sai. It's boring and more of a waste of time than anything else.' Hikari replied raising her head off of her desk.

'Surely it's not all that bad, back in the Heian period, women weren't able to go to school with the men, and even then only those in high society were able to go to school.' I said shocked at her answer.

'It's not all bad I suppose.' she said thoughtfully, 'I get to hang out with a lot of people and I do get to be better educated than some, but I'd rather learn from books than have to listen to a lecture.'

'Hikari, are you bored because you don't understand it, or is it that you already know the information that the teacher is going over?'

'I already know it, every year I read the textbook at the beginning, and I learn everything that is going to be taught just from that. I find it useless to learn from lectures, at least on things that can be taught through books.' She said laying her head back on her desk.

'Then why did your mother say that the teachers wanted you in school today? I mean surely if you are able to keep up your grades just by reading at the beginning of the year then you shouldn't be having trouble in school.'

'Sai.' she sighed pushing her fingers together, 'I might not be trying to pass my classes."

'And why not?' I asked trying to understand.

'I don't feel motivated to try, and I don't want to be labeled as a genius. That would be too much trouble.'

'Hikari-'

'Look, Sai, can we please drop this?' she balled her fists tightly, making her knuckles turn white. I turned my attention back to the lecture.

…After school, Hikari's point of view…

I sat in one of the seats in front of my teacher's desk, the note had said to meet her after school in her office and I had been there for almost an hour.

I glanced at the clock, 'I will give her five more minutes to get in here, and if she isn't, I will leave.' I told Sai.

'Don't do anything rash, I'm sure she has good reason for asking to see you.'

'If she had a good reason, then I'm sure she would be in here already!' I tapped my feet impatiently.

The door opened then. "Shindou-san, sorry I'm late, I was pulled into a meeting I was unaware was occurring today." She said breathlessly. I nodded while ignoring Sai's 'I told you so look.' "So, Shindou-san, I'm sure that you're wondering why I asked to see you." I nodded again. "I know that you are unable to speak." I froze, I hadn't wanted anyone to find out, and I only told Akari because of necessity. I pulled out my notepad and pen.

Who told you!? I wrote, my anger marring my calligraphy.

"That would be your mother." My anger was skyrocketing. "She only told me because she thought that I needed to know." My anger dissipated, turning quickly into fear.

You won't tell anyone, will you? My fingers were shaking badly.

"Not unless there is absolutely nothing I can do about it." she put her hand on my shoulder ignoring my flinch, "Is there anyone else that knows?"

Akari… Can you please not touch me right now? She removed her hand from my shoulder.

"Will you tell me how it happened?"

No. I'm not ready to talk about it… Can I go now?

"Not yet, I also need to talk to you about your grades."

What about them?

"They are not up to par, I'm afraid that if you don't start putting some effort into your education, then you may have to go through the vocational route."

I can't put effort into something like that, I can pass, but I can't put effort into it.

"And why, if I may, is it impossible for you to put effort into it, and yet you say you can pass?" impatience laced her voice.

I'm bored in class. I've already learned the information. She seemed taken aback by this revelation.

"What do you mean? You have a D in almost every class and those you don't, you have C's. That doesn't show me that you have any idea what's going on in class, let alone paying attention."

I haven't a clue what is going on in class, and I haven't been paying attention, however; I do know all of the material.

"How do you know all of the material if you haven't been paying attention?"

I read the material the first day I got the text book, and I have a photographic memory.

She looked confused. "Then why haven't you done well in class?"

I haven't been trying to pass, I've been wanting to get out of school since about a year ago.

"Hikari, trust me going down the Vocational route isn't a good thing, If you are sent down that route, then you will be working for the rest of your life. I'm sure you don't want that."

I don't, but I also don't want to be in school any longer than I have to.

"Why?!" anger filled her voice, "Why are you so opposed to being in school?"

I'm 'opposed' to being stuck in a room pretending to be paying attention when I don't need to be in there since I already know all the information! If it makes you feel better, it isn't your fault that I hate school, It's mine! I tore the page out and slammed it on her desk before walking out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

So yeah, I've gotten one review, that said that the changing POVs annoyed them, and that was the reason why they weren't going to read any more. I don't think it's a very good reason seeing as it would have been a lot more difficult to write the first couple of chapters seeing as Hikari was unconscious and not there for some of the important parts. I want to hear from you guys/gals, Is the change in POVs annoying you like it did this one guy/gal and if so I would love to hear what I could do to make it better, however, I will not completely take out the POV change. So please review and let me know what you think. "Normal talking"

'Thoughts/Sai's voice'

Writing

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HIKARU NO GO or the some of the lines that are used in this story! The only thing I own is the plot and the few characters that I may make up.

…Hikari's point of view…

After I had stormed out of my teacher's office, I ran out of the school as fast as I could. I decided not to go home immediately, and in my haste to get away from the school, I boarded a train to central Tokyo.

'Hikari, what is it that we are riding on?' Sai asked.

'This is a train Sai, its purpose is to take people from one place to another faster than in a car or a bus.'

'Ah,' he paused, 'so where are we going?'

'To central Tokyo, I didn't feel like going home yet.'

'Can we find a place to play go please!' I looked over at him, and tried to tear my eyes away from his. He was giving me the best version of the puppy dog eyes that I have ever seen.

'Do we have to?' I mock whined knowing that I was going to give in.

'Please! Oh please!' he was on his knees now looking up at me in that same puppy dog face

I took one last look at his puppy dog face, and said, 'Fine, I guess I can try to find somewhere for you to play go at.' His face lit up like a Christmas tree. He started to hug me, but then stopped short, a sad look crossing his features for a moment.

'I'm sorry.' he said.

'For what, for trying to hug me?'

'Yes.' He paused, 'You said that you didn't want anyone touching you, and I promised not to touch you. I almost broke that promise.'

'Sai, I'm grateful that you kept your promise, but that is no reason to apologize.' I paused, 'Surely you remember all the times today where people grabbed my hand without permission?' he nodded, 'I've come to realize that I'm not always going to have things go the way that I would prefer them to go, so I will give you permission to hug me.' he perked up, 'But, I would appreciate it if it didn't happen often.'

'Of course!' he said pulling me into a hug.

He released me and I said with a smile on my face, 'Now let's go find one of those go salons that Ojii-san keeps talking about.' The door to the train opened then and I walked out and up the stairs into the streets of Tokyo.

…Half an hour later…

We were studying a map on the side of a building when Sai pulled on my sleeve, 'Hikari?'

'Yeah, Sai?' I asked distractedly.

'Maybe you should ask for directions.'

'Maybe…' I trailed off, 'But who would I ask, I mean I can't talk and most of the people seem to be very busy.'

'Maybe go inside of that building over there, and ask someone inside if they know of a go salon nearby?' Sai pointed toward a building with a sign with neon colors.

I dead-panned, 'Sai that is a go salon… the sign says so.'

'Really? That is some strange hiragana writing.'

'Sai, it's written in kanji…'

'Oh… In my day there wasn't anything like kanji around.'

'Really? That's interesting.' I pulled out my pen and pad to store the information to research later on.

'Ne-Hikari, Can we play go now?' Sai pleaded.

'Yeah, yeah. I'll find you an opponent in a minute.' I paused mentally preparing myself to deal with strangers. 'Alright, let's go.' I pushed the door open and was met with a surprising amount of tension in the room. 'Sai, are we in the right place?'

'I believe so; the tension seems to be the same as the last time I played.'

'It seems to be too much tension for a board game.'

'Hikari, this game takes a lot of effort to play well.'

'I guess we will see about that.'

Just then a woman with brown hair spoke, "Welcome, are you here to play?" I nodded. "Write your name down here. Is this your first time here?" I nodded again. She pointed to a spot I had left blank. "Alright, what's your Go level?" I pulled out my pad.

Go level? I don't know... I've never played before. I showed her the message she raised an eyebrow, but read it anyway. I wrote underneath it quickly: Before you ask, I'm mute.

As she finished reading, the smile she had plastered on her face fell into a slight frown. "Alright then you can leave it blank then." I glanced around the room seeing a lot of old people.

There isn't someone around my age that I could play is there?

"Well there is, but…" She trailed off as a boy with black hair came up to the counter. "Is there something I can help you with Akira-kun?" her voice turned flirty. 'Pedophile.' Sai nodded behind me.

"I was just wondering if she would like to play." I nodded quickly, as did Sai.

"But Akira-kun, she hasn't…" Akira ignored her, and began to usher me towards a back room.

"Let's play in the back, shall we?" Not wanting him to take back the offer of the game, I nodded again.

"Hey wait!" the pedophile called, "You haven't paid yet!" My eyes widened at this. I had just enough to pay for the subway home nothing more. "Children are five hundred yen." The pedophile said calmly.

"This is her first time right Isikawa-san? Let's give him a break." I looked at this Akira person thankfully.

"Well… If Akira-kun says so…" she swooned. 'Pedophile.' I thought. Sai nodded.

"Thank you!" Akira said giving Isikawa-san a small smile as he showed me the way to where we would be playing. I sent a thankful look towards Isikawa-san as well as I followed Akira. We sat at one of the many tables lined with goban.

"So you know my name, what's yours?" He pulled out the chair gesturing that I sit. I sat and waited for him to make his way to his seat.

I pulled out my pad and pen and wrote quickly: My name is Shindou Hikari. And before you ask, I'm mute. He glanced at what I wrote, and pulled a pen from his pocket and started writing.

Well if you must write to communicate, I guess I will write as well. His writing was in elegant hiragana, it almost looked like it was taken from a calligraphy book.

You don't have to you know. I don't want you to do something that is out of your comfort zone.

It's not a bother at all, so shall we begin? he gestured toward the board. I nodded. So how strong are you?

I've never really played before now, but I think I'm pretty strong.

He smiled at this, So you've never played before, but you think you're strong.

I grew indignant at this, Yes, now don't laugh.

He tried but failed to become serious as he gestured to the board, Why don't you place four or five stones on the board?

Like a handicap? I frowned.

He hesitated, Yes.

I don't need a handicap; we are the same age after all.

He looked sheepish. I guess if you want to play me without a handicap, I won't stop you… I just hope you won't lose your interest in Go after the game.

Why would I?

Never-mind, let's begin.

'Sai get ready.'

'I am always ready for Go.'

'Alright then, try not to take too long, we need to be getting home soon.'

'Very well play the first move in the upper right corner at point: sixteen-seventeen.' I placed the stone and the game began.

…An hour later…

Akira was hanging his head after his game with Sai.

'Sai did you break him?'

'No!' he said indignantly, then as an afterthought, 'I don't think so.'

Thank you for the game. I tore out the page and pushed it towards him before walking out.

"Ah, Shindou-san, did you enjoy the game."

I nodded and wrote on the pad quickly: I think it was too soon for a real game though; I seem to have gained a headache while playing.

"Really, well don't feel too bad, Akira is almost a pro so it's expected for a beginner to lose." I just smiled and waved. "Ja-ne!" I headed home.

…Akira's point of view, after Hikari left...

I saw her push a note towards me after the game, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the board. I had lost. There was no possible way that this was her first time, no one started out that good. I ran every possibility through my head, but it just didn't make sense. It didn't take long for a crowd to form. I grabbed the note and placed it in my pocket before walking passed Isikawa-san.

"Akira-kun, where are you going?" Isikawa-san asked as I walked by.

"To look for the girl that just left."

Isikawa-san's look of confusion turned into a look of interest, "Why look for that girl, has Akira-kun finally found someone he likes?" her voice turned flirty.

"That girl won our game without any handicaps. I must find her and convince her to go pro." I saw Isikawa-san's face go from interest to shock as I walked out the door. I turned left and ran towards the nearest subway; hoping against hope that she would have headed there. I got to the bottom step and sure enough, I saw her step into the train just as the door was closing. 'Darn, I didn't find her in time.' I turned to go back to the Go salon, 'Maybe she will come back.'

(A/N) Please review on the topic written of in the beginning of the story.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi y'all! So I know that this one is kind of short compared to all of my others, but I really wanted to get this chapter out of the way, so yeah, I promise the next one will be longer. So I would like to thank Emerald Lylythia for reviewing, her review is the best one so far. I hope y'all like it, don't forget to read and review.

"Normal talking"

'Thoughts/Sai's voice'

Writing

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HIKARU NO GO or the some of the lines that are used in this story! The only thing I own is the plot and the few characters that I may make up.

…Mrs. Shindou's point of view…

I glanced at the clock, it was ten after eight. 'Hikari's never out this late.' I placed a bowl of Ramen on the table with a napkin over it. 'I hope nothing's happened…' My heart skipped a beat. The last time that Hikari was this late… 'Hikari, please be ok!' I was just about to call Akari to see if she had seen Hikari after school, when the door opened. "Hikari is that you?" two knocks came from the hallway. I relaxed instantly. Hikari and I came up with that so I wouldn't think someone was just walking in. "I was just about to go out searching for you." I half joked when she came into view. She raised an eyebrow at that. "I made your favorite." I gestured toward the bowl beside me. Her eyes grew wide for a brief second before she ran to the bowl and started slurping down the thick broth. She wrote between slurps.

Sorry for being late, I just went to central Tokyo today. That's strange; usually she just goes to Otou-san's after school.

"Any reason?" I hoped I wasn't prying too much, I really didn't want her any madder than she would be when I was finished.

She shook her head. Iie, I just felt like going today.

"Ok, just next time, please be back before eight. It worries me when you're not home before then."

I'll go earlier next time like on the weekend or when I don't have school so I don't make you worry. She placed her hand on my arm gently. She knew the reason why I worried.

"So how was school today?" she dead-panned, apparently it didn't go too good.

The teacher told me that she was thinking of sending me through the vocational route. And we had a huge argument over it… Everything else was great though.

"She told me pretty much the same thing this morning after I dropped you off, she said you weren't doing well, mind telling me what this is about." I fixed her with an understanding look.

I haven't been trying in class since the beginning of the year.

I felt the frown cross my face, "And why haven't you?"

She looked a little sheepish as she wrote; It's boring, besides I can pull everything up before the end of the year.

"That's no reason not to try in your classes. If it's so boring, why didn't you just do the work? Surly it wouldn't have been that bad." I sighed loudly.

I didn't want to have people begging me for help studying. The only thing I wanted was to stay in the same school as Akari. Her hand started shaking as she wrote the last part.

"You and Akari would have gone to the same schools' weather you had better grades than her or not." I laughed a little, "Between the two of you, nothing is impossible." I ruffled her hair a little before hugging her. "I want you to pull your grades up to at least an 'A' by the end of the year, sooner if possible." She nodded into my shoulder.

After a few minutes, I sighed and decided to get the bad part of the evening out of the way. "Hikari," she nodded again into my shoulder, "you remember the nurse from yesterday don't you?" she pulled out of the embrace and nodded, a look of confusion crossing her face, "Well she signed you up for therapy sessions." I winced when she immediately began writing.

Therapy? What kind of therapy?

"The type of therapy where they have you talk about your feelings." She looked at me with pure horror in her eyes, I didn't think that anyone could write as fast as she was writing.

Why?! I don't need to talk about what happened. I've gotten over it…. Besides you know how I feel about those crack-pot doctors!

"I know, I'm sorry, I didn't have much of a choice."

How so?

"When she first met you, she thought you seemed depressed, seeing the scar only made her think that you needed, um…, help." I paused looking for some sort of response, I hated lying to her, but there was no way I could handle her being angry with me right now. "And the nurse told me that she was going to sign you up for it even if she didn't have my permission."

When is the first session?

"Tomorrow."

It will also be my last.

"Hikari, don't do anything that would get you in trouble."

I won't, but they will know I am displeased with being forced into this. She walked away after that, I heard her bedroom door slam a few seconds later. 'What have I done?'

…Hikari's point of view…

I leaned against the door to my room. I could feel a panic attack making its way through my body as I slid down the door toward the floor. Tears were running down my face. I was angry; no I was beyond angry at what I had just been told.

'Hikari,' Sai leaned down and rested a hand on my head, 'why are you so upset?'

'I have to go 'talk about my feelings' for about an hour tomorrow.' I said bluntly, 'I am angry that I'm being forced to do this, when I don't need it. I also hate the type of doctors that I will have to talk to tomorrow.'

'Why do you hate the doctors?' Sai asked sitting beside me, 'In my day, doctors were revered for their knowledge and ability to help people get well when they were deathly ill.'

'These doctors try to pick at your mind, they try to see your deepest secrets, and your darkest fears, and…' I trailed off.

'And that is the absolute last thing that you want to happen, correct?' I nodded.

'I just don't want to talk about things that are in the past. I want to forget about what happened.' Sai pulled me into a hug. It felt different from the one earlier; it felt like a mix of sadness and comfort. Then it hit me, why was Sai able to hug me and I feel it?

'Sai, how is it that you are able to touch me and I feel it?'

'I don't know, maybe it's the fact that I occupy a space in your mind?'

'Maybe, it's just odd to think about.' I paused, 'Maybe that's why they call it supernatural.'

'Perhaps, so how are you going to get out of your visit with the doctors?' I laughed silently.

'I'm not sure, but I won't be there long.' In truth I had a plan, but I wanted to see what Sai would say after it's all said and done.


	6. Chapter 6

I am so sorry for the wait, I haven't really been in the mood to write much, and I know this isn't long enough for such a long wait, but please forgive me.

"Normal talking"

'Thoughts/Sai's voice'

Writing

/Sai's thoughts/

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF HIKARU NO GO! The only thing I won is the plot and characters that I make up.

…Hikari's point of view…

I opened my eyes with the rising of the sun. For some odd reason, I'd been waking up with the sun recently. Yesterday was the day that I thought I was going to get out of therapy. I had just gotten through with what should be called the rant of the century about how people like the psychologists should just mind their own business and stay out of other people's minds, and I was walking out of the door when I ran smack into a member of the security department there. Needless to say, they weren't very happy with what I had done. They put me inside of this white padded room and tried to put one of those strait jackets on me, but I had other plans. I threw one of the men over my shoulder, when he tried to force my arm into the jacket, and kicked the other where the sun doesn't shine, what can I say, I had taken a few self-defense classes after what happened. Then I ran into the one thing that made my blood run cold at any point in time, my mother. She was furious, luckily not at me, but at the men who were harassing me. I laughed silently at the memory. I had never, before then, been as thankful that my mother wasn't mad at me, ever in my life. I had never seen so many people cowering before her while she went on her own little rant. It wasn't as great as mine was, but it did have the words lawsuit, and harassment in it.

A soft knock came from the door to my room, "Hikari, are you awake?" I answered with two knocks of my own as I sat up in my bed. "You're up early." My mom walked in, still wearing a red bathrobe over her yellow pajamas. I shrugged in answer, still not quite ready to start writing yet. "Do you want some breakfast?" I started to nod my head, but my stomach answered for me. I blushed slightly, but I wouldn't admit it later. "Come on, let's go make breakfast." She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my room.

She pulled me toward the kitchen where numerous pots and pans were still sitting unwashed on the counter. I sweat dropped while my mom face-palmed. "I guess we have to clean up first huh?" I stared at her in a 'No duh!' type of way before shaking my head. Then I started washing the dishes. "You wash I'll dry." I nodded, like it was going to end any other way.

We spent around twenty minutes washing dishes before we got to cooking breakfast. "So, what do you want to eat?"

After a few seconds of thinking, I picked up the pen and pad that was ever present on the bar in the kitchen: Pancakes!

My mom giggled a little, "I should have known that you'd say that." Then we got to work, I mixed the ingredients together, making sure that the batter was nice and smooth. Then mom took over pouring three circles of the batter in a skillet. I pulled out some of the fruit that mom had cut up, and put two small bowls on the bar placing beside them some chopsticks and a fork for each one. Then I pulled down two glasses, filled both with orange juice, and placed them on the bar as well. I sat down at the bar, and waited for mom to finish with the pancakes.

After a few minutes, mom brought a plate stacked with pancakes

…Half an hour later…

Mom had finished eating long ago, and is currently staring at me while I eat. I'll admit it, when it comes down to food; I eat… a lot at one sitting. I was currently on my tenth pancake, and was reaching for another when I heard the scrape of my fork on the plate that once held many pancakes. I finished chewing, and pushed the plate toward the bowl of fruit that sat empty for ages now.

I looked toward mom giving a silent sigh of satisfaction. "Im glad you enjoyed it, though you do know that you don't have to eat enough to feed an army, right." I gave her a sheepish grin and nodded slightly. "What do you have planned for today?"

I picked up the pen on the counter and wrote on the pad that was ever present beside it now, I sighed, I'm not sure… I know that it's Saturday, but I feel like I have should stay busy. She laughed, Why are you laughing? I gave her my most inquisitive look.

"Well the thought of you being busy on a Saturday, or any day for that matter is laughable." she said giggling.

Well for a while now it's just been habit, you don't let me do much around the house anymore, how am I supposed to keep busy? I had an eyebrow raised slightly.

She stopped laughing after reading what I wrote, "I'm sorry, It's just." she trailed off.

Just… what? You could cut the tension with a knife.

"After everything, I didn't want you to hurt yourself." She paused, "Especially since the abo-"

I felt the rage fill my face and apparently so did she, My hand flew across the page. _I thought we had agreed not to speak of it again!_I took a moment to reign in my anger before I wrote something that would get me into trouble. I'm stronger than I look mom. Look at it this way, It's over and done, and it won't ever happen again.

I looked up after I wrote this, expecting to have to wait for her to read, only to see tears pouring down her face. "I know you are strong." she cupped my face in her hand, "But I am your mother, I worry for you more than you will ever know." She paused, "At least until you have a child of you own, but that's beside the point." I tilted my head to one side waiting for her to continue. "The point is you don't know what the future holds. What happened to you may, Kami forbid, happen again." I looked down at my feet, not wanting her to see the fear my eyes surly held. "I am trying to scare you." I whipped my eyes up to meat hers, searching for explanation, as she continued, "But only to the extent that you are more careful." She pulled me into a hug. It was warm, and I felt safe here, I couldn't help but return the embrace, pulling her closer to me.

We sat there like that for a while before I decided that it was past time for our little mushy-feely session. I pulled away, and reached for the pen and notepad.

I was planning on going to Tokyo again today.

"Really, you're going twice in one week?" she looked worried for a second before schooling herself to show a more inquisitive look, "What do you need from Tokyo?"

I don't really need anything; I recently got interested in that game Ojii-chan plays, and I want to play a game at a go salon today.

"Is that why you were out so late yesterday?" her features softened, showing that she was slightly amused. I nodded. "Just wait till it tell Oto-san, he finally gets you interested in go." She was out right laughing now.

Is it alright that I go? I decided to ignore the fact that she was laughing.

She looked toward the ceiling for a moment before sighing, "Alright, you can go." She paused, "But. You have to be back before around seven, and text me if you are going to be late." I nodded and quickly hugged her before running up to my room to get dressed.

…Sai's point of view…

I waited for Hikari in her room while she and her mother ate breakfast; I was just about to go check on Hikari when she ran inside the room. She was rummaging through her clothes when I thought that I should remind her of my presence. 'Um… Hikari.' I laid a hand on her shoulder. She turned around so fast that, to me, it was almost inhuman. I raised my hands and backed away, hoping to calm her down. When she was angry, she rivaled her mother in her ability to scare people. 'Hikari, it's me. Sai?' Her features relaxed, and she slid down to a sitting position on the floor, leaning against her dresser.

'Sai, don't sneak up on me like that!' her voice held something that I hadn't heard in it before. /Impossible, could she be afraid?/

I sat next to her, 'Hikari, are you alright?' I asked, deciding that it would help my case if I kept my thoughts to myself.

'Yeah, you just...' she paused looking rather concerned, 'You can never tell anyone what I am about to say.'

I nodded 'I promise on my love for go that I will keep your secrets.' This was the right thing to say apparently, her features relaxed immensely.

'You just scared me… a lot.'

I felt the concern make course through my body, 'Why do you not allow your emotions to show, why hide them from those around you?'

'I- I don't want people to think that I am weak.'

'Showing your emotions to people does not make you weak.' I said softly, trying to encourage her to continue.

'Yes it does!' She screamed, 'At least in this day and time, it does.' her voice grew cold.

'Why would you think that?' I was shocked, I knew that a lot had changed, but I never considered that something like that could change, especially for a girl Hikari's age.

'Sai, there are some sick people in this world who would take advantage of anyone that they think is weaker than them.' her eyes were cold and distant. To say that I was shocked, would be an understatement, it's true that I lived in the palace and that I didn't know some of the cruder things that some knew, but I knew enough about the people she was referring to; to know that she didn't want to talk about this.

'Hikari…'

'Don't pity me. I can't stand it.'

'I'm not pitying you, I- I just never thought that you…'

'Sai, it's in the past, if it helps, just push it from your mind.' Irritation marked her face, 'We are going to play go today. I'm ready to learn more, so we are going to stop by a bookstore on our way back.' she picked up the clothes she had dropped and walked out of her room.

(A/N): So yeah, what happened to Hikari is pretty much out in the open. I hope you enjoyed it. Read and Review.


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